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Ruthless X

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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2011|11:15 pm]
Ruthless X
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Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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It's a mess. [Dec. 28th, 2009|07:22 am]
Ruthless X
December is not a good month.

Work, home, and life is a big mess right now.

The AC power adapter cord broke on my GPS this morning. It was the straw of straws. I kicked the side of the car. Then I stood there for a moment in the cold wondering why alot of things have become so shitty.

This morning is a court day. Then my weekend starts. The next three days will be deticated to getting back on the horse. Getting the girl back..
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(no subject) [Dec. 18th, 2009|02:32 pm]
Ruthless X
Saw Avatar at the IMAX 3D Lynnhaven AMC 18.... EPIC
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(no subject) [Sep. 6th, 2009|03:23 am]
Ruthless X
Government is not in the business of protecting you the individual or your family.

This is why God created strong Men

This is why smart Men created big guns.
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I struggle to understand.. [Jul. 21st, 2009|05:17 am]
Ruthless X
From my point of view it's never enough.

Whatever I have to offer is never enough.

All the basics are there.

I'm a swell guy. But it's never enough

There is never enough time.

Or the right words said.

It's not enough that I work hard and live a decent life.

It's not enough that I do what is asked from me. Favors. Money. Help with this or that.

So I struggle to understand what the big problem is.

Human beings are never satisfied.

I'm described as numb, unfeeling, emotionally unavailable, distant, whatever.

meh I'm done.. After this it's whores and prostitutes. Atleast you get what you pay for.
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Hurt feelings. [May. 17th, 2009|02:00 am]
Ruthless X
This doesn't happen very often. When it does, it comes crashing down on me like an anvil. I can feel it weighting down on my neck and shoulders.

My feelings got all fucked up a moment ago. I had this giant feeling of being disregarded. Not respected. Unimportant and not worth the time.

There is a pretty lengthy list of reasons for this. The overwhelming sense of emotion was brought on when all of these reasons came to mind in rapid fire. This and this and this and this and this and this and this.. and now THIS. I will admit that I felt my eyes water up.

I'm not that big of a pussy. Things just suck right now.

It's 2 am. I told myself I would go to bed before 4 am.
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(no subject) [Apr. 25th, 2009|03:12 am]
Ruthless X
People seem to be very comfortable with opening up with their true feelings around me. Even when they establish that I'm different than them, all of them.

New people always ask me the same question. This question always sets the tone for the rest of our encounter and future conversations. I can always see this question coming as the other person builds up to it.

What are you?

I'm mixed... Black and White.

... And so it begins.... Because white people think I am black. Black people think I am white. I really could go either way... Now there is an uneasyness for a moment while they attempt to feel me out... Rap or Rock n Roll? Baggy pants or Wranglers? Republican or Democrat? Do I like snow angels or jungle bunnies? Ultimately what this person really wants to know is: Which one am I more of - Whitey or Darkie?

I play each an every one of them. Because I like Metallica and Biggy. I own a pair of wranglers and some baggy jeans. I don't subscribe to anyones politics but my own. And no matter what the color I'm equal oppertunity in the bedroom.

So I'll sit there and placate them.. Only offer up things about myself which would be similiar in interest to them. Makes them feel nice and comfortable. That's when it opens up. They are anti this.. Anti that.. These people. Those people. They. We. All of the plural pronouns come out. I smirk and play along.. One day I might check someone on it.. So you mean 'they' crackers or 'they' niggers? Just say what you really feel.

It's happend before. I'll be with familiar company. Then some new arrival to the group will come.. I'm mistaken for a white guy with a tan and someone lets the N bomb slip. Someone who knows shoots me a quick glance to check my reaction. I give them none. There is nothing to react to. I won't attempt to claim full blackness and take offense to someones upbringing then proceed to make them aware of their mistake. For what purpose?

On the other hand in a black crowd I'm not cool enough. There is something I don't "know" or haven't "felt"... At job corps I was told "You speak too white" WTF? lol.. So I had to up my hood rat vocabulary to fit in.

So that's my on going battle with race issues. It's even more prevalent now that I'm around alot of new people who want to know about me. My personality doesn't help much. Especially since I hate people. People who ask questions that's not their business.
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(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2009|04:32 pm]
Ruthless X
For the past month I've been dealing with people's different opinions and work ethics... This puts me in a position where I smile and nod... Yep.. Fantastic. So I do alot of bitting my tongue. Picking my battles..

Soon this probationary thing will all be over. I'm really getting fed up with it.. Everyone has their own bravado they want to throw around. This is the nature of the beast in dealing with people on this job. But there is a point where I would like to say STFU with out their being a detrimental outcome.

Went to NYC to see the family over Easter and my Birthday. Today is my dad's birthday. I'll have to call him before I take off to work.

I'm trying to make it out to Busch Gardens this weekend.

I need to be looking for a new place to live.. Apartment living is not doing it for me any more. Especially coming home at 3 am and there is NO parking. I end up parking out on the street, a football field away from my apartment.. Some ass-hat with a crotch rocket has the audacity to park his shit in one of the front spots. And since it's always there I question if he has a job. One morning I'll just get fed up with it and push the damn thing over. =)

Summer time is coming to Virginia Beach... I feel that this might be a good summer. I'm looking to do acouple trips.. Maybe one out west. One up North..
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(no subject) [Mar. 23rd, 2009|12:14 pm]
Ruthless X
Surfing around youtube.
I was rick roll'ed 3 times.

w00t

brb, have to poop
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(no subject) [Mar. 11th, 2009|04:44 pm]
Ruthless X
Back at the homestead, finally. Done with running around here, there, and everywhere.

Only for 8 days. Then I will be traveling again for the weekend.

I was able to get plenty of sleep. Yesterday I woke up not feeling well at all.. just felt more sleepy as the day went on. This morning was alot better. Worked out a bit.
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