||[Apr. 25th, 2009|03:12 am]
People seem to be very comfortable with opening up with their true feelings around me. Even when they establish that I'm different than them, all of them.|
New people always ask me the same question. This question always sets the tone for the rest of our encounter and future conversations. I can always see this question coming as the other person builds up to it.
What are you?
I'm mixed... Black and White.
... And so it begins.... Because white people think I am black. Black people think I am white. I really could go either way... Now there is an uneasyness for a moment while they attempt to feel me out... Rap or Rock n Roll? Baggy pants or Wranglers? Republican or Democrat? Do I like snow angels or jungle bunnies? Ultimately what this person really wants to know is: Which one am I more of - Whitey or Darkie?
I play each an every one of them. Because I like Metallica and Biggy. I own a pair of wranglers and some baggy jeans. I don't subscribe to anyones politics but my own. And no matter what the color I'm equal oppertunity in the bedroom.
So I'll sit there and placate them.. Only offer up things about myself which would be similiar in interest to them. Makes them feel nice and comfortable. That's when it opens up. They are anti this.. Anti that.. These people. Those people. They. We. All of the plural pronouns come out. I smirk and play along.. One day I might check someone on it.. So you mean 'they' crackers or 'they' niggers? Just say what you really feel.
It's happend before. I'll be with familiar company. Then some new arrival to the group will come.. I'm mistaken for a white guy with a tan and someone lets the N bomb slip. Someone who knows shoots me a quick glance to check my reaction. I give them none. There is nothing to react to. I won't attempt to claim full blackness and take offense to someones upbringing then proceed to make them aware of their mistake. For what purpose?
On the other hand in a black crowd I'm not cool enough. There is something I don't "know" or haven't "felt"... At job corps I was told "You speak too white" WTF? lol.. So I had to up my hood rat vocabulary to fit in.
So that's my on going battle with race issues. It's even more prevalent now that I'm around alot of new people who want to know about me. My personality doesn't help much. Especially since I hate people. People who ask questions that's not their business.